Invasive new species spotted across the globe, are you at risk?


An invasive species of Gnome the size of a childs head is expected to “colonize” the entire East Coast and then the World this spring by parachuting down from the sky, researchers announced. These new, more deadly gnome’s can be distinguished from the more common variety by their lack of eyes. They disguise this by pulling their hats to nose level giving them a more benign appearance, shown below in comparison.

Origin points for this new invasive gnome species vary most notable are Centralia, Pennsylvania and Casey, IL. Centralia is fairly famous since it has been literally on fire since 1962 making it the perfect invasion point for these new Gnomes. It’s hypothesized that having no eyes and no discernible respiratory system that this is a viable launch point for the invasion. Respiration seems to occur through some form of osmosis and on the few occasions they have been seen feeding no mouth has been present. The “Nose” is thought to be only vestigial.

What appears to be blood infusing the beard.

Casey, IL is a less likely but still viable origin point. Most experts believe Centralia as the cradle of Gnomedom, however a few still believe Casey is the correct starting point because of its large furniture. Boasting items such as the worlds largest rocking chair and everyday items such as the worlds largest wooden shoes and keys. It seems the ability to hide amongst such large items would be advantageous although everyone agrees they avoid the worlds largest mousetrap.

While standard Gnomes are dangerous with their benign appearance and everyday garden decor lulling you into a false sense of security they remain a significant threat. The new gnomes appear to be supplanting the common gnomes though, having invaded the homes of everyone through Holiday embracing outfits and whimsical costuming.

In the theme of course, today’s movie is…..

It’s pretty cute.

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