You know what I mean right. Someone asks you a question in all innocence… or not. Then it starts. Here is an example.
Your Friend “You think she is pretty?”
You “Sure I do!”
Your Friend “Prettier than her?” Points at another girl.
You “Well, I suppose so.”
The girls walk up, and your friend introduces you to both girls. “He thinks you are prettier than she is.” He says pointing to the girls. Your friend just handed you the shovel of DOOM! what are you going to do with it? Granted he got the hole started for you, but now he has handed the shovel over to you.
If you are smart and think it through you will realize you cannot win. You are quite frankly doomed. Best thing to do now is say “Nice to meet you.” smile and ignore your friend who just so set you up to be killed by what we can all assume is a couple of Alpha Girls. Unfortunately the human condition doesn’t allow for smart so you start to try and clarify what you meant. So with a big heave you jab the shovel into the hole and say.
You “I don’t really think you are prettier.”
Alpha Girl 1“Are you saying I’m Ugly?”
You “No no, thats not what I’m saying, I think you look very nice!”
Alpha Girl 2“So you think I’m the pretty one then?”
Your Friend “I think he meant he thinks your hotter than she is.” Pointing randomly and in no specific direction.
Hole is a bit bigger now; you are becoming worried. You think maybe you should just ignore your friend and change the subject. You have had enough, and the girls are starting to look at you with a predatory gleam. One of them is sharpening her nails for the kill. Problem is you know you can recover this if you just clarify it a bit. No problem, big misunderstanding so once a you grab onto the Shovel of Doom and dig in
You “I think you both look great!”
Alpha girl 1“You said I was hotter.”
You“No I didn’t say that at all.”
Alpha Girl 2 “So what did you say then?”
Oh boy, the girls have just handed you a bigger shovel. Are you going to fall for it? They have asked you to clarify what you already said. The hole you have been digging for yourself is now up to your chest. Of course you still foolishly think there is hope that you can climb on out, especially since they seem willing to help you. It’s a trap… Don’t fall for it.
You “I didn’t say anything, my friend and I were just talking.”
Your Friend “Don’t bring me into this.”
Alpha Girl 1 “So you like to talk about people behind there backs?”
Alpha Girl 2 “Yeah, you don’t even know us, whats wrong with you?”
You “Ummmm Ahhh…”
Wow, did that take a turn for the worse. Time to shut up. Your friend isn’t helping the girls look like they might call security just for fun and you’re standing there with this befuddled look on your face stammering. Nothing left to do but dig some more right.
You “I didn’t say anything, I just said you were pretty.”
Alpha Girl 1 “So which is it you didn’t say anything, or you said I was pretty?”
Alpha Girl 2 “Or hot, which of us is hotter, Mr. I don’t talk about people behind their backs?”
You “I did say you were pretty but thats not what I meant!”
Alpha Girl 1 “SO what did you mean then?”
Alpha Girl 2 “Yah what?”
Too late now, you’re in so far over your head the dirt from your digging has surrounded you on all sides, and your friend is off to the side laughing his ass off. With a few more comments he buries you under the dirt, because that’s what friends do for fun. Let this be a lesson to you all.
Even if you think you are good at getting yourself out of things like this… there is always the chance you could dig yourself into an even worse mess. Be careful!
Real life. From a real mom. Raising real little people.
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