Yes I’m serious about this. Legends must come from someplace right? Once upon a time there were thousands upon thousands of Vampires walking the planet, now there are very few. This is mostly do to Brahm Stokers manual on Vampire slaying “Dracula“. Yes I know, you are thinking that was a work of fiction and yet… when was the last time there was a serious Vampire incursion? Teenagers used to go out hunting them using this book as their manual after a few decades the Vampires were mostly extinct or decided to become more mainstream. Now their has been a recent resurgence of Vampires, they hired a good PR firm and are trying to paint themselves in a different light. Now they sparkle in “Twilight,” make friends in “Bon Temps,” and have even managed to become a Halloween stereotype. Now if you are looking for some helpful tips and ideas for Zombie slaying, or just survival in case of zombie apocalypse.
Now lets consider what we have seen on TV, Movies and books. There are several good resources to be had there.
1) Zombies can be fast or slow – In many of the older films, Zombies are portrayed as a slow moving tide of death. They are an implacable foe it may take them days to get you but eventually you become exhausted and the Zombies get there meal. More recent films show Zombies as fast moving creatures able to run you down in minutes. Either way the result is the same. So Cardio, is important it is in fact rule #1 in a recent movie. I completely agree with this rule. You need to move quick and have endurance so you can break line of sight and evade. Stumbling down the road gasping for air and holding your side in pain will get you killed.
2) All Zombies are not created Equal – It could have started with a plague, a bio-engineered virus, voodoo magic and even re-animation through a mad scientists lust for immortality. DO NOT dwell on this, how they became zombies matters not at all, what matter is avoiding or killing them. Some Idiot always manages to get killed because they are so interested in studying them. Right there is the problem, it says dying right in the word. Don’t study, kill and evade. No need to know why it happened, or how to fix it. Your job is to survive.
3) Not all weapons are created equal, Be Prepared – There are some things you absolutely need. Firearms for one, nothing automatic, remember the zombies are dead already, they don’t feel pain and cannot be deterred. You need an accurate weapon. Anything with a good scope will do. Yes I know its fun to mow things down with a chain gun but unless you’re getting head-shots with each one all you’re doing is making a mess, the zombies will keep on coming. Shotguns are also useful in a pinch for close quarters, aim for the legs of a group and make your escape if things get to hot for you. Yes they will keep coming but much slower so you can make your escape. Next is a Melee weapon I suggest a Sword, Machete or optimally a Kukri. A sword may look the best but the other two can be used for day to day needs as well. Finally at some point you will want a bow of some kind, ammo could be in short supply eventually and its stealthy for when you need to take one Zombie down without alerting others.
4) Clothes make the Man, or Woman – Most every thing ever done about Zombies tells us that bites and scratches can cause infection and eventual death or worse. Do yourself a favor and dress for the occasion. Good sturdy boots are a must, boots! Not sneakers or some other type of footwear but boots. Better traction is not the reason although its useful. Twisting your ankle while fleeing from zombies would put a quick end to you. Heavy leather clothing, like you can find at renaissance fairs too. Especially gloves and arm guards. I don’t suggest a helmet of any kind unless it doesn’t lessen your field of view. If you can’t find this type of equipment hit a motorcycle shop. Heavy Canvas will work as well, like a cowboy duster. Zombies bit and claw so wearing heavier, tougher and more durable clothing could be the difference between a close call and death. DO NOT dress for style, dress to survive. Metal Armor can be used as well, just remember the weight will slow you down go for the chain-mail. This is the same for both men and women, dress for the occasion.
5) When picking a vehicle think Mad Max – If you aren’t sure what Mad Max is well you should go watch the movie. It should have no glass, glass breaks. Get solid tires, nothing that can be punctured. you want a car you can fix yourself. Weld steel plates every where and add a ram in from to protect the engine block when running down the undead. Try not to get anything to top heavy in case you get swarmed, you don’t want to get tipped over. Slots for weapons to go through are necessary so get yourself a welding kit and get to it. If you can find a armored personnel carrier thats great. If not make your own.
Some final thoughts, this list is by no means complete. There are so many things you should do to be ready. In selecting your equipment remember you may have to run for miles with the gear you have, take what you need and no more. Don’t try to hold on to the past, just worry about your newest kill streak and where you can get some more ammo. Keep in mind “Friends don’t let friends become undead.” So if you see me shuffling around with the zombie horde, zoom in and finish me please. Finally always keep one shot in your sidearm. Its for you, just in case you see something like this one day.
Real life. From a real mom. Raising real little people.
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